For Once, I'm Not Joking

There is no way to be sure of this, but Anna and I get the distinct feeling that our internet use is being monitered and restricted. Specifically, none of us can access our blogs anymore. I can still post because that is done under a different web address, but I am no longer able to visit my own site and read the comments. In fact, a few days ago, every blogspot account became inaccessible to all of our computers. This isn't a blogspot problem either. Everyone in the States, as well as other parts of China, can still view the site.

I'm not sure if it's our school behind this, or the government, but it does seem to be happening. Other sites like collegehumor.com have fallen victim as well. One day they work, the next they don't. The thing that sends my head spinning in conspiracy territory the most is the type of sites that are being blocked. I can't make out a specific pattern, but it never seems to be web sites that would be labled bland.

I can't guess how specific the monitering is, but I've started to wonder who reads this blog. This sounds paranoid (and I'm almost sure it's nothing that extreme), but something is going on and I'm not too happy about it. I do know that our school administration has a long history of dealing with problems in as indirect a way as possible, so this could be their way of avoiding a conversation.

Let me reiterate that there is no way for me to be sure that any of this is really going on. All I know for sure is that Anna's computer has mysteriously experienced the exact same problems as mine (the problems began on the same day). I would be very suprised to learn that this was a technical issue.

As a result of my new internet buddies (Grande Hermano, if you will), I'm going to have to moderate comments so they can be emailed to me. I don't think this will affect anything on your end, but let me know if it does. Also, if anyone could email me the comments from the last post you will move up in my friends ranking by 20 people. That would be great...assuming there are comments.

If I stop posting on this site, you know the reason why. They got to my posting web address too man!

I guess America is having its own civil liberties tested as well. I read that a bill was just signed into law that potentially eliminates Habeus Corpus for US citizens. I'm always baffled by people who are willing to defile the very things that make our country great in order to protect the nation they supposedly love. When do safegaurds overshadow the ideals they are trying to protect?

Well, at least China and America are coming together on something. They grow more open as we grow more closed.

It's time to stop catering to party loyalty and start asking oneself where this country is truly headed. We are redefining the excecutive position and laying down our civil liberties...all in the name of a war that can never completely end. For those who applaud the elimination of Habeus Corpus...when will we be ready to return to the version of America that we love?

Just make sure that you never fall on the wrong side rightousness. Keep convincing yourself that American blunders (Japanese Internment camps, the FBI wiretapping Civil Rights leaders in the 60's, to name a few) are only things of our past. It's true that you may not feel the negative effects when dismanteling the constitution, but you will still bear the responsibility for those that do.

Thomas

Classroom Antics

I have found the unmotivated student's achilles heal and it is candy!

Staying true to my comparison of Chinese university students to American middle school students, the moment I pulled out a bag of suckers, my class transformed into a flock of little darlings. Cellphones went silent, mp3 palyers were turned off, tired heads rose from their desks, and hands shot through the air. It was glorious!

When asked to stand up and answer a question, most of my students are far too shy to do so without the before mentioned compensation. They look at their feet and shake their head, softly giggling to themselves. After repeated requests, a healthy dose of provocation, and the occational help from taunting friends, most of my students will give in. Sometimes, a bad-ass popular kid (remind you of middle school?) will look me straight in the eye and defiantly refuse. In those cases, I mentally punch them. I'm pretty sure there is a rule against punching your students, but not against day dreaming about it! Besides, if they question me, I'll just say that I was day dreaming about naked women...toally believable alibi.

Also, it is true; I rarely go longer than 15 minutes before I tell another student to stop listening to his/her mp3 player, or to stop texting on his/her cell phone. My students never EVER forget to bring along their latest tech purchase, but they sheepishly apologize as they inform me they have no paper, no pencil, and no book. One of my favorite forms of revenge is to answer my student's phone calls. When they don't get to talk to their boyfriend or roomate, the person on the other end of the phone often gets quite pissed. I respond by saying #8 of the 13 Chinese phrases that know: Wo shi lao shi (I am a teacher) and the caller promply hangs up. The only people who enjoy this as much as I do are my other students.

Many of my students also spend their time in class trying to transform the activities I give them into oppertunities to flirt with me. For instance, in my last class we played the game "2 truths and a lie." It's exactly what it sounds like. My students read aloud two things about themselves that are true and one that is false (the rest of the class tries to guess which one is the lie). At least half of the girl's lists sounded something like this: Number 1. I like playing basketball, Number 2. I have been to Bejing, Number 3. I do not think Tom is very lovely and handsome. Can you pick out the lie? Other girls were more explicit, saying that they wanted a foreign teacher as a boyrfriend (hint hint). This has been going on since I first got here, but it started out as light joking (asking if I thought Chinese girls were beautiful, ect). Now for some girls, it has become more forward and more serious. Quite frankly, it's freaking me out. Even the idea is just...wrong!

Also, don't think this is my ego talking. Honestly, if you are an American male, you're but a plane ticket away from recieving this same admiration.

Recently one of my students told me that "mixed blood children are more intelligent, so we should cross breed more." This kind of shit happens to me every day! I really should start keeping a daily classroom journal, or at least a quote book. I hope this translates in type, but Chinese racism is the cutest racism I've ever encountered. It's so incredibly backward, but in that benign, senile grandmother kind of way. Except, instead of a grandmother, it's a button nosed little girl saying misinformed things about the Jews! Also, it's almost always positive, save for those God damn Japs! They are sneaky, I tell ya.

The two topics we Americans avoid like the plague are Japan and Taiwan. Do you like Japan? Do you think Taiwan should be united with China? Why does America support Japan? Don't answer! It's a trap! Just say that you don't know enough information to give an answer, throw a smoke grenade, and run like hell!

Many of the boys now hug me. I don't like that.

Earlier this night we had a formal dinner with all the foreign teachers and our supervisor. The last time we had a dinner like this, it was held to welcome the new foreign teachers (Phil, Anna, Andrew, and I). It was interesting to note the differences I saw between the two dinners. As I shared my classroom war stories with my empathetic collegues, I felt like I truly belonged at that table.

That's my post and I'm sticking to it. Be well.

Thomas, Tommy, He Zhang Jie, God Among Men, Spiffy141, helgent, me

There Are No Fortune Cookies In China

I am sad to report that the title for this post is painfully true. That's right, Fortune Cookies do not exist in China. I spent a huge chunk of classtime finding this out.

We were talking about weddings and how (in America) we sometimes propose in unique ways (which is not the case in China). I was trying to think of an example that could be easily understood when I remembered a scene in a movie where the leading man replaces the fortune in a fortune cookie with the message "Will You Marry Me?" As a side note, the cookie is delivered to the wrong table and the laughs are quick to follow! As a side, side note, if anyone can name that movie, I'll send you a genuine rock from China.

I drew pictures of the Fortune Cookie! I came up with examples of common fortunes! I had them look up the Chinese word for fortune and cookie. This drew nothing but blank stares and a repetitious promise that these do not exist in China. I, for one, am taking my students' word to be true! Ladies and Gentleman, there are no Fortune Cookies in China! It's an evil myth that has been put forth by the American corporations. I know what you're thinking..."But Thomas, Fortune Cookies are complimentary. How could that generate evil corporate profit?" To which I reply, "You simple minded bastard!" It is a well known fact that three out of every five fortunes encourage the reader to shop and/or take out a personal loan (IN BED! HA). As you can see, The Great Mandarin, The Frying Dragon (name that movie: part II), and every other Sweet and Sour joint in America is really a front line opperation for Neo-Con economic dominance. There I said it! Come and get me Uncle Sam! Have fun duking it out with Grandpa Mao! May truth prevail, or let the heavens fall (name that movie: Part III).

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, no fortune cookies.

China has changed me. I'm a new man. I am now a man who hates Fireworks. In fact, I hate them with a passion that I typically reserve for the DMV and people who are racist (you know who you are). Why have I turned my back on a time honored American tradition, inviting further reason for Uncle Sam to kick my ass? Well, I'll tell you.

As I hope all of you know, gunpowder and fireworks were invented in China (come on, that's like an answer to a Double Dare question). What you may not know is that fireworks are currnetly woven into many facets of Chinese society. For instance, if you have a buisness opening in China, you light off fireworks to scare away any bad spirits from the premise. The same is true at gravesites for deceased family members. Yes, it seems that the Chinese find just about any excuse to light off fireworks! While this may make for an interesting anthropology paper, it also makes for a shitty alarm clock. You see, another interesting cultural fact is that people in China find it perfectly acceptable to light off massive amounts of fireworks at 8am! Fascinating! Fireworks also make it wonderfully impossible to conduct class when some jerk across the street decides to bless his God Damn Chicken Coup!

Honestly, I remember a time when I would marvel at these colorful explosions. I also remember a time when I would trade one of my sisters for a pack of Blackcats and a few bottle rockets (I think I was 12). Now, I pass these annoying buggers everyday on the street and rarely do I turn my head to see what color they are. Next, I expect China to somehow ruin my taste for candy.

I've finally gotten most of my students to stop using the "N-word". This was a particularly difficult and uphill battle because they've seen so many American movies that say it. Also, by watching these movies the students are confronted with the very confusing fact that Black people say it. The only "America" they know comes from entertainment, so you can imagine why this was a hard sell. Furthermore, ethnic minorities make up less than 2-3% of China's population and about 99% of those minorities stay in their pre-existing locations (such as Mongolia or Tibet). I can't be certain that these facts significantly contribute, but concepts such as race relation and tolerance seems to be hard for my students to understand. Believe me, I've had the discussions.

I know these posts are far more interesting when they contain pictures, but I'm sorry to report that my computer is nowhere near getting fixed. Right now, my promise of hosting and posting video seems like a pipedream...although I am shooting footage. There is one thing to smile about. I was able to find a "seal generator." Don't kid yourself, you want a seal.

There is nothing that needs to be said here. You all think it, I just say it.

This is a seal I made for my friend. Since I typically strip mine the emails I send to her for my blog posts, I didn't think she'd mind if I put her seal up too. In fact, I think her seal is far superior.

The more comments I get, the faster I update. Honestly, if you read this, I'd love for you to add a quick note letting me know.

He Zhang Jie (Thomas "God Among Men" Helgen)

My Favorite Chinese TV Show

I have a new favorite television show. It's called "Basketball 361." See, in the US, most people are content with rotating a mere 360 degrees. But in China...naw man, they put in that extra effort and fight for that extra degree. In basic terms, this is a basketball game show. Oh man, there is so much to explain! It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen brodcasted on a television screen. First off, the set is supposed to represent da street! There is a significant amount of (government approved) graffitti splattered here and there, a healthy dose of tires and barrels scattered about, and an overall attempt at recreating poverty in a way that looks absolutely absurd. Honestly, the set looks a lot like Big Bird's nest on Seseme Street (do you remember the oil drums?). The show begins with introductions of each player. They all come out and try do something cool with the basketball. Most are quite successful, showing some fancy dribbling skills, or spinning the ball on their finger. However, there is always one or two guys that clearly have nothing to show. I've seen one guy come out and juggle the ball with his feet like a soccer ball and I've seen a number of gentleman try some ball roll up one arm and down another, only to have the ball flying out of control and having to be chased down. Then it's time to introduce the judges. Of course, the first few judges are your usual suspects...Chinese men and women who are probably coaches or players themselves. The last judge on the panel is my absolute favorite! His name is Mookie. There are two things you need to know about Mookie: 1. He's a Black American (instantly making him an expert in the field of basketball). 2. He flashes the "West Side" sign every time the camera is on him. Needless to say, the crowd LOVES Mookie. My favorite thing on the show is when the host lists off the names of the judges by saying "Xin Feng, Shiou Xin, Hong Zu, Zhang Li, and MOOOOOOKIEEEEEE!"

That's only the first two minutes mind you. What follows is a series of basketball competitions that range from dribbling obstacle courses to simple games of 1 on 1 (which makes for incredibly boring television). Every time a player does something remotely good (like making a lay-up), the female host shouts "Wahhhhhhhh."

One of the most ridiculous aspects of this show is the "talent show" competition. Basically, for this event, the players can do whatever they want to impress the audience. Many do basketball tricks because...well...it's a friggin' basketball show. However, I have also seen a guy do a magic trick, I've seen a guy paint a picture (live), and I've seen a few guys sing songs (including the basketball-ish song "I believe I can fly").

The highlight of every show (for everyone who isn't me) is the slam dunk contest. Most dunks are interesting and fine, but a few are just too fucking wierd. I've seen one guy dunk while jumping over his break-dancing friend and another guy dunk while singing a song. This might not sound as funny as it looks, but one guy uses a trampoline for his dunk, as if that somehow makes it harder. If you want to get the crowd excited, get Mookie to throw up the alley-oop. The downside to that plan however, is that Mookie can't throw an alley-oop to save his life. I've seen him throw the ball over the backboard.

What else can I say? Every few minutes or so, there is a Hip-Hop break where some "rapper" comes out and spits for two minutes, Chinese women dance in sport bras, and the camera consistently switches over to show Mookie bobbing his head in ghetto approval. It's the best non-English television I've ever seen.

A Quick One While He's Away

Not only is the title an amazing Who song, but it also suggests that I'm currently using Phil's computer and therefore can't post anything that will bring the house down. No pictures, no detailed accounts, just a quick one while he's away.

--A few days ago, I had my class write about their "Dream Vacation." One of my students wanted to visit America....so she could "meed the Jews." China is one of the few places in the world in which the stereotypes work out in their favor. Jews have a lot of money (which is a good thing) and everyone here knows that the Jews are very clever! Marx was Jewish. I think that has something to do with it. When I told my student that I had many friends in America that were Jewish, her eyes grew big with wonder and excitement. When I told her that most Jews in America were no different than me, her head hung in dissapointment. I'm not quite sure what she was expecting. Lizard people, perhaps.

--I watched a Chinese movie from the 80's last night. In this movie, the main charachter travels to Africa. Of course, this provided the perfect oppertunity for what I like yell...ASIAN BLACK FACE! As if the grass huts and "Ooga Booga's" weren't racist enough, any African that had a speaking part was a tall Asian man with shoe polish on his face. Vhat a counnnntry!

--Chinese music sucks. All of it. This is a sweeping generalization I know, but I'm confident in saying it. I should say that there is probably some good "classical" Chinese music. There are essentially, three kinds of music in China: Pop, Rock, and Hip-Hop. Pop primarily consists of heartfelt ballads, about love of course, and feature music videos of girls picking flowers. To give you an idea of Rock music here in China, think of the Backstreet Boys song "Backstreet's Back". Basically, it's pop music with slightly hard edge. I'm not sure about this, but I imagine they are singing about staying up past 10pm. Hip-Hop music in China is equivilent to the Hip-Hop you would hear on Radio Disney. The Hillary Duff version, if you will.

For some reason Linkin Park is really big here. That's about as bad-ass as it gets. If you question authority and don't conform like a robot....then Linkin Park is your band! My students refuse to believe that I don't like Linkin Park and a few times I've caught them searching my iPod for them. When I play them something like Led Zepplin, I might as well be playing Icelandic Experimental Synth Death Metal.

--I was going to wait and tell this story at a time when I could also show you the pictures we took, but ta hell with it! One of the first nights we went out exploring Changsha, we stumbled upon a street performance. There was a full band playing and two people acting/singing in some of scene. I would estimate that over 200 people were in the audience. Shortly after our arrival, the people around us began to take notice of us. Cigarettes were offered, everyone yelled out their one or two English phrases that they knew, and (unfortunately) a lot of attention was taken off the performance. No one seemed to mind however, so we spent the next few minutes responding to people's questions ("Yes, I like China" and "No, I am very bad at speaking Chinese"). The performance soon ended and as soon as it did, our group was presented with microphones asking us to sing American songs. Andrew got up and began singing "Jingle Bells" and the band quickly joined him. Everyone in China can sing this song, why this is I'll never know. Anna and I eventually felt sorry for him, so we hopped up and joined in. Following this, Anna informed the band that "Tommy is a very good singer and he wants to do a solo."

Thanks Anna, thanks a lot. What you have to understand is that when people in China have an idea, it's going to happen. They no problem asking over and over again. I asked the band if they knew "Hey Jude," which they said they did. They lied. The first two times through the chorus sounded horrible, but eventually they found the right chords. I sang my heart out, but when the song came to a close, it became impossible to inform the band of this. They just kept playing and I stood there with the mic like a Jackass. So naturally, I started making lyrics up. "None of you people know what I'm saying...I could say the word pussy-fucker, and you wouldn't know..." All of this, the tune of Hey Jude. It was a beautiful moment. To see grandmothers smiling ear to ear as I belt out the word cunt....I guess "magic" is the only word to describe it. Of course, most of my lyrics had to do with Andrew and my less than favorable opinion of him. I got my revenge that I had promised him in the form of public mockery, even if the public wasn't aware of the mockery.

Alrighty! I can't use this comp for much longer, so I'm going to bid you all a farewell. If you aren't currently in contact with me, let me know what you are up to these days.

Also, I don't edit this page, so stop whining about spelling mistakes, ect. I may be nerdy enough to have a blog, but not nerdy enough to care.

Tommy

To My Adoring Fans:

I'm sorry to report that my computer has become a pile of donkey droppings. It goes multiple days without turning on and when it does, I can rarely squeeze more than 4 or 5 minutes from it. For this reason, I don't think I'll be able to post anything decent for quite some time. Even now, I'm racing against the clock to get this out.

I hope to get things fixed shortly, but that's much easier said than done here in Jolly Old China. To everyone that has been trying to contact me: this is why I haven't been responding. Especially to my family...I'm so sorry.

Tommy

I'm the Bull in the China Shop

Another Blog post? Hey, why not?

In this episode Tommy talks about:

1. English Corner, Foreign Experts Dinner
2. Tommy is Threatened at the Disco
3. My fellow Teachers
4. PHOTO GRAB BAG!

English Corner, Foreign Experts Dinner

I simply must talk about English Corner here in Changsha. They always end up being the highlight of my week. If I have't explained this already, English Corner (or English Salon as some places call it) is a time and place set aside for people who want to converse in English. They are usually held in hotels or disco lounges and always seem to draw large crowds. Simply put, at an English Corner, foreigners are treated like The Beatles. Ok, I'll admit, there isn't as much screaming involved, but the Crackers are definately the center of attention. The point of us being there is to give the Chinese people an oppertunity to talk to a native speaker. Because of this, we usually spread out and position ourselves in different parts of the room. Wherever there sits a foreigner, a ring of Chinese people can always be found. Also, there never seems to be enough chairs so quite often a standing huddle develops, as if a magic trick was being performed.

One of the great things about English Corner is the fact that drinks are free for the foreigners. Truthfully, we are the reason most people show up, so the organizers usually pamper us accordingly. Also, there is an entrance fee for non-foreigners, so whoever shows up really wants to be there. Because of this, English Corner is a lot of fun. In my classes, there is typically a significant number of students that couldn't give a shit about speaking English, but at the Corner everyone is an eager participant. Also, many of the people who are in attendence are adults. This is nice because otherwise I usually don't get the oppertunity converse with non-students.

One thing that I've found interesting is that I've grown less and less fond of the other foreigners that I bump into here in Changsha. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that they are far less impressed with my ability to sing "I'm a Litte Tea Pot" (which kills in my classes), or maybe I've come to expect the people that I meet in China to be overly polite. Whatever the reason, I've become amazed at how rude some of them can be. Last week I met two guys from America at an English Corner. They essentially threw a hissy fit when the organizers wouldn't serve them free vodka. They then proceeded to randomly insult Anna and I. A nun would call each of them a prick. Most of the time however, I introduce myself to someone from the States (thinking we have the natural bond of being Americans in China) and they do not share my enthusiam. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't bat an eye if this happened back home, but I've developed new expectations of socializing here in China. Of course, like anything, there are great number of exceptions to this rule. I've met some very nice people at English Corners and the "Foreign Experts Dinner". Also, I can imagine that after a couple of months the novelty of meeting another meiguaren (American) will wear off for me too.

The Foreign Experts Dinner was held a week ago and was intended to honor specific foreigners who have contributed a great deal to the city. It seemed like every white person in the Hunan province was in attendence. This added up to a 100 or so men and women. Suprisingly, most of them were quite old. At first, it felt very odd to be there. Too many pale faces! I nearly messed my pants when I saw a few beautiful (supposedly) American women. What can I say? I've got a thing for pasty skin and capitalist values. We met and talked to an old couple who turned out to be two awesome firecrackers! The man didn't look like Santa Claus, he WAS Santa Claus. The woman proudly told us that it was their 60-something-th anniversary and that later her husband was going to get the only action he ever gets all year long. She wasn't joking. Needless to say, I loved these guys! The dinner was nice, but like I said, it all seemed very strange. Phil and I joked that this was the Chinese Government's way of exterminating the unwanted foreign population. We waited for the doors to slam shut and the walls to slowly move inward.


Tommy is Threatened at the Disco (and Andrew has a birthday)

Now, I'm not going to lead you on. Before I launch into this story, I want to dispell any notion that I was in danger, or even "threatened" in the true sense of the word. I hoped the title would lure you in and if you've reached this point in the update, it seems that it has. However, the fact remains: I was threatened at a disco. Actually, I recieved this threat because of you! That's right! You!

In my last email I said that I intended on getting photos of a disco the next time that I went. If you remember correctly, I wanted to show you these photos because of how trippy the discos can be. Well, for Andrew's birthday (yawn), I was given that chance. After a few drinks back at the apartment, we trucked our way to "The Golden Years". In terms of the experience, for me it was simply Chinese Disco: Round 2. We danced, we had some drinks, blah blah blah. As you can tell, I'm already a little jaded with the experience. It certainly is fun, but not a way I want to spend too many of my weekend nights.

As soon as we had arrived, I busted out my camera and tried to find a location with enough light for a decent picture. This plan was quickly noticed by three disco "bouncers" who would probably have a hard time ejecting a toddler if the situation arrose. There just doesn't seem to be a large cache of "big people" in China. Though, there is a decent chance that these guys knew Kung Fu (which sort of made me want to provoke a fight even more...just to see the pre-fight routine of course). ANYWAY, these three guys created a big commotion. They kept pointing at my camera and pointing at the door, all the while yelling at me in their voodoo language. For some reason, this really ticked me off. From my persective, they all seemed to be desperately searching for a way to assert their authority. It was like getting hassled by a mall security guard. For the first time on this entire trip, I responded as rudely as I possibly could (albeit without speaking the correct language). Part of my anger was in response to every rule and law that I have encountered here in China which doesn't make a lick of sense. Finally, I had some actual people to take the blame this time.

Well, these guys didn't like my attitude. One of them got really close to my face. I moved to the side and walked past them. How anti-climactic is that? Doesn't make for a great story, but it was probably the best outcome I could have hoped for. During the rest of the night, I tried to take as many covert pictures as I could. Unfortunately, the 1.6 billion people in China offer plenty of oppertunities to over-staff places like this, making it very hard to sneak a picture in. The pics I did manage to pull off suck big time. Although one does mistakenly capture a very tender moment.

Out of all the pictures that I took, this one turned out the best. If you can't tell, these pictures were taken by randomly whipping my camera out, taking a picture over my shoulder, and putting the camera back into my pocket before the Camera Patrol could bust me and realize how pointless their job was. I'm not going to lie, this picture completely fails to capture what a Chinese Disco is like. Not enough florescent color and not enough lasers. What it does barely capture is a few members of the "band" that was featured in this particular room of the club. I hate all Chinese music (an issue that will be covered exstensively in another post), but the reason I put the word "band" in quotes is because no one was actually playing their instruments. This wasn't the slightest bit difficult to detect either. Also, and this is even more strange, instead of having a stage, the "band" members were all scattered across the room, each standing on a pedestal. The drummer would be near the entrance and the guitar player would be clear across the room. It was VERY strange. Essentially, these guys were paid to look cool holding an instrument on a pedestal. It was like some fucked up 80's New Wave video. Flock Of Seagulls maybe.

Shitty pic, I know. But, it's the best I got! What's important to note here is the girl walking past. She is a "bartender" at the disco and is paid to dress up like a Bond Girl. Every hour or so, these girls get up on the bar and do some supposedly sexy dance that has them slithering their hands through the air. This is not Coyote Ugly. They all have this distant look in their eyes that makes all this seem like a creepy stepping stone to prostitution, rather than a fun time at the bar. I told you--This place is fucking wierd!

This picture also sucks...or it would have sucked if it didn't accidentally capture that tender moment I had mentioned before. Click on the picture and check out the two buisness dudes in the middle. You can't miss them! They are clearly hammered and appear to be opening up to each other, maybe professing some sort of...we'll call it brotherly love. I suppose this a good time to mention that affection shown to one's own gender is far more acceptable here in China. I've seen plenty of teenage boys holding hands as they walk down street and have gotten used to some Chinese guys being overly touchy with me. You've gotta admit though....this picture captured a cute moment!


My Fellow Teachers...Ask Not What Tommy Can Do For You

Here at the Hunan International University of Economics (whew!) there are currently eight foreign english teachers. Not including the three friends that I came here with, I've decided to give some brief descriptions of the other four teachers.

I've already mentioned Sam. As I've said before, he's been a tremendous help to us so far. He has also become fast friends with the Carleton bunch. His Chinese is very good and he has a Chinese girlfriend who doesn't speak any English. Well, that's not true. She has a firm grasp on every swear word in the book. The swear word book that is. Interestingly, the four of us get along quite well with her. It's hard to explain how this is, but basically we give her thumbs up when she beats on Sam and rub our bellies when she cooks us tasty food. As Sam tells us, she's very different from the other Chinese girls. This is because she has her own opinions and doesn't think condoms should be sold along with engagement rings. Here is some documentation of the never ending war that takes place between these two.


Mark is an American who's in his 40's. He's married a woman here in China and doesn't appear to be going back to the states any time soon. That's one thing that is interesting when meeting other foreigners, they all are on completely different journeys. I'm planning on staying here for a year (maybe longer), but a lot of people don't see this as a temporary stay. Mark lives in a different building, so we don't get to see him that often, but when we do, he's welcome company. He drives a Harley-esque motorcycle which he is very proud of...and makes him the coolest looking guy in China. One other thing about Mark is that when you begin talking to him, get comfortable. It's remarkable how much distance he can get out of even the most mundane topics. It's hardly a problem, but sometimes I have to remind him that both our classes began 2 minutes ago.

Kevin. Holy lord! What can I say about Kevin? Well, I'll start with the bare facts. He's from Pakistan originally, but has lived all over the world. His primary residency lately has been in England. Also, he's been in China for three years and is very well known in the english speaking circles around the city. The reason for this is that he's worked for many different Universities and goes to English corner just about every chance that he gets. He's 38, but I didn't believe it when I first heard this. He looks and DEFINATELY lives the lifestyle of someone in their late 20's. He often wears a bandana and has his ears pierced. Kevin loves the Carleton posse because we don't mind hearing his endless parade of dirty jokes and war stories about the many Chinese women that he's conquered. Truth be told, Kevin is a great guy and I love hanging out with him. He might be totally different than the people I usually spend my time with, but in the end he has a genuine respect for us and that can travel a long way. I'm sorry, it's too hard to explain this guy. He's an original. At least I can show you what he looks like:

For those who didn't know...yes, Phil has a Mohawk. Considering the fact that we often get mobbed for our white skin, you can imagine the kind of reactions that he gets when he sports the Mo'.

Terry is an Englishman. I don't really get Terry. He often makes comments about England, America, or just about anything that I just don't understand. There is a small bit of tension between him and I, but nothing to get in a tizzy about. I don't want to say too much because quite frankly, I don't know who reads this blog. This is actually true for my descriptions of each teacher (for better or for worse). I just want to make sure that I'm not talking about people who read this blog. That seems a bit gossipy, but this blog is intended to inform those back home and not to communicate with other people here (Carleton friends excluded). So whatever; Terry is a older gent who is nice enough. He seems intent on meeting a nice Chinese girl and doesn't seem hindered by any age barrier.


PHOTO GRAB BAG!


This photo was taken in one of the temples that I visited. These types of statues seem to be common in Chinese temples, but this guy is friggin' awesome for obvious reasons. He quite literally is the GOD OF ROCK! Eat your heart out Jimmy Page! Until you get a 14 foot statue in a temple, you ain't shit!


Ever wonder what a back alley in China looks like? Well wonder no further! Although, truth be told, this was a more like a back alley for tourists. The vendors were relentless! I'm sure many of you who have been abroad can relate to this. But can any of you say that one of the vendors chased you down the alley and physically hit you a couple of times? Didn't think so! She kept demanding that I purchase one of her artworks, to which I replied "NO! You hit me, you witch!"


I just don't know enough information to say anything relevant about this picture. It looks pretty cool though, doesn't it?


This is inside a Pizza Hut in Beijing. If the picture doesn't show this, Pizza Hut is actually one of the classiest places you can eat here in China....certainly one of the most expensive. In this particular resteraunt, there was marble staircase that brought you to the dining room. Looks like we have yet another entry in the "Somewhat Strange Chinese Version of Something" book.


This is one of the many random, yet beautiful places that I've visited so far in China. I'm going camping tomorrow actually, so I'm sure that I'll collect some more good looking photographs. There is something very peaceful about the forests of China.


Alrighty! I've gotta get to bed. As I mentioned, I'm going camping tomorrow and I need to get some sleep. I don't have time to add more, nor do I have time to fix the GOD DAMN HTML that makes this underlined. Ah well.

Leave me some sweet comments that I'll read when I get back...especially if have yet to comment! I need to know who is reading this MoFo.

Tommy