A Very Different 'Birds and Bees'

My finals are completed. My students all did a very good job. That's not interesting. Let's talk about something interesting.

A few days ago, I was walking around a campus pond when I noticed two students of mine sitting on a bench. The student's names were Rim and Bri and they had been dating eachother for a few months now. I knew this because each class of mine has made sure to inform me (in a very public way) of any "in house" relationship that developed. They'd giggle and point, eager to embarrass their friends, but I also detected a certain level of respect given to both offenders. It was as if there existed a sense of class pride in the fact that two of their own had made such a connection. To put it simple, these students would become the "class couple", defining who they were as much as anything.

I approached the two for a quick meet and greet. However, after I said my hellos, it was obvious that something was wrong. "We are breaking up," Bri bluntly said, under no provocation. She seemed nervous and Rim seemed frusterated. I told them both that I was sorry to hear this piece of news. I then began to tell them that I was sure they wanted to be left alone and that I wouldn't bother them anymore. However, Rim interrupted me halfway through my polite goodbye. "She doesn't know what she is saying," he said. "She is not thinking right."

From that moment on, I was thrown into the role of Dr. Phil as Bri made her case for breaking up and Rim countered with reasons why that was a bad idea. In the few minutes it took for Bri to give her reasons for breaking up, I learned more about Chinese culture than anything else I had experienced in the past month or so. First and foremost, it was her father who expressed his displeasure in Rim. This is where it gets interesting, for you see, in the father's eyes, Rim was too short for Bri. Now, Rim is certainly not a tall boy, but you would be hesitant to call him short, especially in China. In fact, Rim was just about the same height as Bri, but that didn't seem to cut it. Up to this point, I knew that height was a very important thing here, but I had no idea that it could literally sink a budding relationship. Furthermore, Rim was too young. He was exactly 23 DAYS younger than Bri. By western standards, these two were the same age, but in China, this purely symbolic notion of age is a very serious thing. Bri's father apparently shuddered at the thought of his daughter marrying a younger man. Upon hearing the news, he threw a chair out the window (** creative liberties were taken for dramatic intent and are in no way accurate).

Rim kept asking me if these thing would matter in America, especially if two people were already in love, and I couldn't help but tell him that they would not. He gave a short speech on how these social rules didn't make any sense and that the older generation was forcing an outdated system on their children. I couldn't argue with him there, but I kept my mouth shut. Bri challenged that it was her father who initially wanted the relationship to end, but now she was also beginning to lose feelings for Rim. The boy flung his hands up in there air and said that this was lie. "You know, it's not as easy in China as it is in America, " Bri said. "We must do what our parents say, even if we don't always like it."

The talk lasted about a half hour and ended with me telling Rim that he must respect Bri's wishes. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that China has become something that it has not. I hear my female students call out for equality, I see their notions of sex being influenced (or warped) by western media, but I have to remember to not get ahead of myself. One could take this small issue and potentionally relate it to much bigger issues. I've heard people speak of modernization and of democracy. However, when push comes to shove on these bigger issues, I wonder if China, much like Bri, will fall back on tradition and standard practice, proving the discussions I've heard to be little more than lip service. After all, I considered Bri to be one of my most progressive students, but that didn't seem to matter in the end. China has an interesting way of smoothing out the ruffles.

I am about to leave on a month long trip to Veitnam and Cambodia. Wish me luck and look for updates about my travels...if that's your thing.

Let me know if you still read this. I'm getting a tad lonely and I need some ummmffff.

After all, I will be home soon, so your rudeness will be punished shortly.

Tommy

My First Goodbye

Ladies and gentleman, classes are over. Tommy is no longer a teacher. Well, to be honest, we still have final exams ahead of us, but the english lessons are over. This really does feel like my first goodbye.

I feel much more sad than I expected. I have recently realized that my students have been the best part of my Chinese adventure. In fact, traveling all over Asia comes in a suprisingly distant second place, which is not to say that these travels have been anything short of amazing. It's just that the classroom has easily been my greatest motivator, entertainer, and teacher.

The emotional rollercoaster began during one of my final lessons. At the beginning of each class this term, I wrote down and explained a famous quote. In typical American fashion, I didn't necessarily explain the quote, but tried to facilitate the students' own discovery of the quote's meaning. The students did not like this. They wanted the answer and didn't trust their own insticts to provide it. I didn't stop though. Each morning I kept on urging my students to tell me if the question "How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?" had an actual answer and whether or not "With great power comes great responsiblity." is a quote that can only be applied to superheroes like Spiderman. During my final week, I had each student return the favor by teaching me one of the quote's meaning.

When it comes to classroom activities, the vast majority of my class usually took the path of least resistance, so I fully expected almost all of my students to choose the easiest quote. Instead, however, the quote selection was an almost perfect distribution. Most students began their "lesson" by declaring that they had decided to teach me their favorite quote and (sniff) it seemed like they meant it. Not only did each student (yes, even the bad ones) do a fantastic job explaining their quote, but their explanations often strayed away from my own, showing an unmistakeable fingerprint of originality. You might as well call it: Moment I almost cried #1. It might be difficult for non-teachers to understand why this was such an important moment for me. I fucking did it! I got through to them. Months of uncertainty were washed away! Furthermore, I had conquered their Chinese hesitancy. I had opened their minds and I don't care in the least that I'm getting a bit carried away.

This exciting day was quickly followed by the final day classes. I started each class out by taking care of some housekeeping issues and marveled at the fact that it was I who was now using such an annoying teacher term. This was followed up by the most intense competition I had ever witnessed in the classroom: a paper airplane competition. This was my treat to them, as I knew they LOVED making paper airplanes. Every class exploded with excitement, laughter, and joy. The school moniter (sort of like my boss who has no direct control over me) stood outside and took notes. I don't think they considered this an acceptable use of our time, but at that point, I couldn't have cared less. This was my parting gift to my students and if someone didn't like it, well they'd have to give me a lecture quick because I was only a teacher for about three more hours.

For the rest of class, I had my students work on their final exam. While they were doing this, I walked around with my video camera and got every single student (280 or so) to give me a message that I could take back to America. Some students cried their goodbyes, others told me how cool I was, some sang songs into the camera, one did an amazing rendition of "Zombie" (Cranberries) using a broom as her guitar, all of them insisted that I never forget them and promised they'd do the same for me. I told them I wouldn't, which was true of course. I really won't forget those kids. It's the kind of video I can't wait to watch 5, 10, 20 years from now.

The entire day I was emotionally ripe, overwhelmed at how much these kids seemed to care about me. However, only one time did tears actually form. One of my best students, a very special girl, gave me a note and this is what it said:

Once upon a time, there was a travelor who traveled all over the world. One day, he passed by a deserted field which was full of little plants. He thought, "if only these poor little plants could be taken care of." At that moment he made a decision to be a gardener. From then on, day after day, he watered and fetilized the poor little, weeded them and even sang beautiful songs for them. These little plants had a very good time with their gardener and grew bigger and bigger, day by day, until one day they could shyly turn out their beautiful faces, each the same shape as butterflies, and also secretly gave off their sweet smell. The gardener was happy that the ever desolate field had taken on a new look. How colorful and aromatic!

However, all good things must come to an end. Seeing those well grown plants, the travellor thought that he had already completed his mission and it was time for him to say goodbye to those lovely plants. But you know, how reluctant those plants were to depart from their benefactor. They prayed day and night to stay together with that travellor forever. At last, thier love touched God and God bestowed a pair of wings upon each of those butterfly shaped flowers, enabling them to fly and travel with their benefactor. So from then on, the travellor was protected and blessed by his butterfly fairies and became the happiest man in the world.

At the end of class, the girl who wrote this story, Mary Mack, came to me and said she had a secret to tell me. She said, "you are the gardener" and ran out of the room. Men don't say they cried, men say they teared up. You can go on an extended international vaction, you can study abroad anywhere in the world, but it takes special circumstances to obtain moments like this.

That's all I have for you right now.

Thomas

**Note: I lightly edited the student's story for the convenience of reading. Even so, the quality of english that the original contained suggests that multiple hours were spent working on it. This, in my opinion, greatly adds to the gesture's significance.