A Very Different 'Birds and Bees'

My finals are completed. My students all did a very good job. That's not interesting. Let's talk about something interesting.

A few days ago, I was walking around a campus pond when I noticed two students of mine sitting on a bench. The student's names were Rim and Bri and they had been dating eachother for a few months now. I knew this because each class of mine has made sure to inform me (in a very public way) of any "in house" relationship that developed. They'd giggle and point, eager to embarrass their friends, but I also detected a certain level of respect given to both offenders. It was as if there existed a sense of class pride in the fact that two of their own had made such a connection. To put it simple, these students would become the "class couple", defining who they were as much as anything.

I approached the two for a quick meet and greet. However, after I said my hellos, it was obvious that something was wrong. "We are breaking up," Bri bluntly said, under no provocation. She seemed nervous and Rim seemed frusterated. I told them both that I was sorry to hear this piece of news. I then began to tell them that I was sure they wanted to be left alone and that I wouldn't bother them anymore. However, Rim interrupted me halfway through my polite goodbye. "She doesn't know what she is saying," he said. "She is not thinking right."

From that moment on, I was thrown into the role of Dr. Phil as Bri made her case for breaking up and Rim countered with reasons why that was a bad idea. In the few minutes it took for Bri to give her reasons for breaking up, I learned more about Chinese culture than anything else I had experienced in the past month or so. First and foremost, it was her father who expressed his displeasure in Rim. This is where it gets interesting, for you see, in the father's eyes, Rim was too short for Bri. Now, Rim is certainly not a tall boy, but you would be hesitant to call him short, especially in China. In fact, Rim was just about the same height as Bri, but that didn't seem to cut it. Up to this point, I knew that height was a very important thing here, but I had no idea that it could literally sink a budding relationship. Furthermore, Rim was too young. He was exactly 23 DAYS younger than Bri. By western standards, these two were the same age, but in China, this purely symbolic notion of age is a very serious thing. Bri's father apparently shuddered at the thought of his daughter marrying a younger man. Upon hearing the news, he threw a chair out the window (** creative liberties were taken for dramatic intent and are in no way accurate).

Rim kept asking me if these thing would matter in America, especially if two people were already in love, and I couldn't help but tell him that they would not. He gave a short speech on how these social rules didn't make any sense and that the older generation was forcing an outdated system on their children. I couldn't argue with him there, but I kept my mouth shut. Bri challenged that it was her father who initially wanted the relationship to end, but now she was also beginning to lose feelings for Rim. The boy flung his hands up in there air and said that this was lie. "You know, it's not as easy in China as it is in America, " Bri said. "We must do what our parents say, even if we don't always like it."

The talk lasted about a half hour and ended with me telling Rim that he must respect Bri's wishes. Sometimes I fool myself into thinking that China has become something that it has not. I hear my female students call out for equality, I see their notions of sex being influenced (or warped) by western media, but I have to remember to not get ahead of myself. One could take this small issue and potentionally relate it to much bigger issues. I've heard people speak of modernization and of democracy. However, when push comes to shove on these bigger issues, I wonder if China, much like Bri, will fall back on tradition and standard practice, proving the discussions I've heard to be little more than lip service. After all, I considered Bri to be one of my most progressive students, but that didn't seem to matter in the end. China has an interesting way of smoothing out the ruffles.

I am about to leave on a month long trip to Veitnam and Cambodia. Wish me luck and look for updates about my travels...if that's your thing.

Let me know if you still read this. I'm getting a tad lonely and I need some ummmffff.

After all, I will be home soon, so your rudeness will be punished shortly.

Tommy