My Favorite Chinese TV Show

I have a new favorite television show. It's called "Basketball 361." See, in the US, most people are content with rotating a mere 360 degrees. But in China...naw man, they put in that extra effort and fight for that extra degree. In basic terms, this is a basketball game show. Oh man, there is so much to explain! It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen brodcasted on a television screen. First off, the set is supposed to represent da street! There is a significant amount of (government approved) graffitti splattered here and there, a healthy dose of tires and barrels scattered about, and an overall attempt at recreating poverty in a way that looks absolutely absurd. Honestly, the set looks a lot like Big Bird's nest on Seseme Street (do you remember the oil drums?). The show begins with introductions of each player. They all come out and try do something cool with the basketball. Most are quite successful, showing some fancy dribbling skills, or spinning the ball on their finger. However, there is always one or two guys that clearly have nothing to show. I've seen one guy come out and juggle the ball with his feet like a soccer ball and I've seen a number of gentleman try some ball roll up one arm and down another, only to have the ball flying out of control and having to be chased down. Then it's time to introduce the judges. Of course, the first few judges are your usual suspects...Chinese men and women who are probably coaches or players themselves. The last judge on the panel is my absolute favorite! His name is Mookie. There are two things you need to know about Mookie: 1. He's a Black American (instantly making him an expert in the field of basketball). 2. He flashes the "West Side" sign every time the camera is on him. Needless to say, the crowd LOVES Mookie. My favorite thing on the show is when the host lists off the names of the judges by saying "Xin Feng, Shiou Xin, Hong Zu, Zhang Li, and MOOOOOOKIEEEEEE!"

That's only the first two minutes mind you. What follows is a series of basketball competitions that range from dribbling obstacle courses to simple games of 1 on 1 (which makes for incredibly boring television). Every time a player does something remotely good (like making a lay-up), the female host shouts "Wahhhhhhhh."

One of the most ridiculous aspects of this show is the "talent show" competition. Basically, for this event, the players can do whatever they want to impress the audience. Many do basketball tricks because...well...it's a friggin' basketball show. However, I have also seen a guy do a magic trick, I've seen a guy paint a picture (live), and I've seen a few guys sing songs (including the basketball-ish song "I believe I can fly").

The highlight of every show (for everyone who isn't me) is the slam dunk contest. Most dunks are interesting and fine, but a few are just too fucking wierd. I've seen one guy dunk while jumping over his break-dancing friend and another guy dunk while singing a song. This might not sound as funny as it looks, but one guy uses a trampoline for his dunk, as if that somehow makes it harder. If you want to get the crowd excited, get Mookie to throw up the alley-oop. The downside to that plan however, is that Mookie can't throw an alley-oop to save his life. I've seen him throw the ball over the backboard.

What else can I say? Every few minutes or so, there is a Hip-Hop break where some "rapper" comes out and spits for two minutes, Chinese women dance in sport bras, and the camera consistently switches over to show Mookie bobbing his head in ghetto approval. It's the best non-English television I've ever seen.