Classroom Antics
I have found the unmotivated student's achilles heal and it is candy!
Staying true to my comparison of Chinese university students to American middle school students, the moment I pulled out a bag of suckers, my class transformed into a flock of little darlings. Cellphones went silent, mp3 palyers were turned off, tired heads rose from their desks, and hands shot through the air. It was glorious!
When asked to stand up and answer a question, most of my students are far too shy to do so without the before mentioned compensation. They look at their feet and shake their head, softly giggling to themselves. After repeated requests, a healthy dose of provocation, and the occational help from taunting friends, most of my students will give in. Sometimes, a bad-ass popular kid (remind you of middle school?) will look me straight in the eye and defiantly refuse. In those cases, I mentally punch them. I'm pretty sure there is a rule against punching your students, but not against day dreaming about it! Besides, if they question me, I'll just say that I was day dreaming about naked women...toally believable alibi.
Also, it is true; I rarely go longer than 15 minutes before I tell another student to stop listening to his/her mp3 player, or to stop texting on his/her cell phone. My students never EVER forget to bring along their latest tech purchase, but they sheepishly apologize as they inform me they have no paper, no pencil, and no book. One of my favorite forms of revenge is to answer my student's phone calls. When they don't get to talk to their boyfriend or roomate, the person on the other end of the phone often gets quite pissed. I respond by saying #8 of the 13 Chinese phrases that know: Wo shi lao shi (I am a teacher) and the caller promply hangs up. The only people who enjoy this as much as I do are my other students.
Many of my students also spend their time in class trying to transform the activities I give them into oppertunities to flirt with me. For instance, in my last class we played the game "2 truths and a lie." It's exactly what it sounds like. My students read aloud two things about themselves that are true and one that is false (the rest of the class tries to guess which one is the lie). At least half of the girl's lists sounded something like this: Number 1. I like playing basketball, Number 2. I have been to Bejing, Number 3. I do not think Tom is very lovely and handsome. Can you pick out the lie? Other girls were more explicit, saying that they wanted a foreign teacher as a boyrfriend (hint hint). This has been going on since I first got here, but it started out as light joking (asking if I thought Chinese girls were beautiful, ect). Now for some girls, it has become more forward and more serious. Quite frankly, it's freaking me out. Even the idea is just...wrong!
Also, don't think this is my ego talking. Honestly, if you are an American male, you're but a plane ticket away from recieving this same admiration.
Recently one of my students told me that "mixed blood children are more intelligent, so we should cross breed more." This kind of shit happens to me every day! I really should start keeping a daily classroom journal, or at least a quote book. I hope this translates in type, but Chinese racism is the cutest racism I've ever encountered. It's so incredibly backward, but in that benign, senile grandmother kind of way. Except, instead of a grandmother, it's a button nosed little girl saying misinformed things about the Jews! Also, it's almost always positive, save for those God damn Japs! They are sneaky, I tell ya.
The two topics we Americans avoid like the plague are Japan and Taiwan. Do you like Japan? Do you think Taiwan should be united with China? Why does America support Japan? Don't answer! It's a trap! Just say that you don't know enough information to give an answer, throw a smoke grenade, and run like hell!
Many of the boys now hug me. I don't like that.
Earlier this night we had a formal dinner with all the foreign teachers and our supervisor. The last time we had a dinner like this, it was held to welcome the new foreign teachers (Phil, Anna, Andrew, and I). It was interesting to note the differences I saw between the two dinners. As I shared my classroom war stories with my empathetic collegues, I felt like I truly belonged at that table.
That's my post and I'm sticking to it. Be well.
Thomas, Tommy, He Zhang Jie, God Among Men, Spiffy141, helgent, me
Staying true to my comparison of Chinese university students to American middle school students, the moment I pulled out a bag of suckers, my class transformed into a flock of little darlings. Cellphones went silent, mp3 palyers were turned off, tired heads rose from their desks, and hands shot through the air. It was glorious!
When asked to stand up and answer a question, most of my students are far too shy to do so without the before mentioned compensation. They look at their feet and shake their head, softly giggling to themselves. After repeated requests, a healthy dose of provocation, and the occational help from taunting friends, most of my students will give in. Sometimes, a bad-ass popular kid (remind you of middle school?) will look me straight in the eye and defiantly refuse. In those cases, I mentally punch them. I'm pretty sure there is a rule against punching your students, but not against day dreaming about it! Besides, if they question me, I'll just say that I was day dreaming about naked women...toally believable alibi.
Also, it is true; I rarely go longer than 15 minutes before I tell another student to stop listening to his/her mp3 player, or to stop texting on his/her cell phone. My students never EVER forget to bring along their latest tech purchase, but they sheepishly apologize as they inform me they have no paper, no pencil, and no book. One of my favorite forms of revenge is to answer my student's phone calls. When they don't get to talk to their boyfriend or roomate, the person on the other end of the phone often gets quite pissed. I respond by saying #8 of the 13 Chinese phrases that know: Wo shi lao shi (I am a teacher) and the caller promply hangs up. The only people who enjoy this as much as I do are my other students.
Many of my students also spend their time in class trying to transform the activities I give them into oppertunities to flirt with me. For instance, in my last class we played the game "2 truths and a lie." It's exactly what it sounds like. My students read aloud two things about themselves that are true and one that is false (the rest of the class tries to guess which one is the lie). At least half of the girl's lists sounded something like this: Number 1. I like playing basketball, Number 2. I have been to Bejing, Number 3. I do not think Tom is very lovely and handsome. Can you pick out the lie? Other girls were more explicit, saying that they wanted a foreign teacher as a boyrfriend (hint hint). This has been going on since I first got here, but it started out as light joking (asking if I thought Chinese girls were beautiful, ect). Now for some girls, it has become more forward and more serious. Quite frankly, it's freaking me out. Even the idea is just...wrong!
Also, don't think this is my ego talking. Honestly, if you are an American male, you're but a plane ticket away from recieving this same admiration.
Recently one of my students told me that "mixed blood children are more intelligent, so we should cross breed more." This kind of shit happens to me every day! I really should start keeping a daily classroom journal, or at least a quote book. I hope this translates in type, but Chinese racism is the cutest racism I've ever encountered. It's so incredibly backward, but in that benign, senile grandmother kind of way. Except, instead of a grandmother, it's a button nosed little girl saying misinformed things about the Jews! Also, it's almost always positive, save for those God damn Japs! They are sneaky, I tell ya.
The two topics we Americans avoid like the plague are Japan and Taiwan. Do you like Japan? Do you think Taiwan should be united with China? Why does America support Japan? Don't answer! It's a trap! Just say that you don't know enough information to give an answer, throw a smoke grenade, and run like hell!
Many of the boys now hug me. I don't like that.
Earlier this night we had a formal dinner with all the foreign teachers and our supervisor. The last time we had a dinner like this, it was held to welcome the new foreign teachers (Phil, Anna, Andrew, and I). It was interesting to note the differences I saw between the two dinners. As I shared my classroom war stories with my empathetic collegues, I felt like I truly belonged at that table.
That's my post and I'm sticking to it. Be well.
Thomas, Tommy, He Zhang Jie, God Among Men, Spiffy141, helgent, me
posted by The Friendly Liberal at
10:52 AM
1 Comments:
Tommy I saw you got a couple of comments from random people who like your blog. Congrats. I remarked just this evening that I envision you as a masta-blogga in the future. No joke.
I love this thing, man. The most constant source of humor in my life. Again, no joke. Keep it comin'.
Fetch
By
Adam Fetcher, at 7:16 PM
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